Dr. Teeth / You Can't Handle the Tooth: Gets fucked by the unlucky.

As I said to Dr. Buyshop, we were Barcelona and they were Internazionale Milan in last year's Champion's League Semi-Final. We dominated possession and must of out-shot them, at the very least, 15-3. We were the better team. Still...they won 1-0. Enjoy your futbol.

Hear Deuce Roar!

That's right fans of The Deuce, Clint Dempsey scored a bomb for Fulham this evening. After coming on as a sub in the 52nd minute, Dempsey crushed a volley from 35 yards out which dipped over the top of the hapless Stoke city 'keeper. The part-time rapper followed his strike with his customary "I'm pissed off and Awesome" victory sprint. Do that shit in the World Cup motherfucker.

Enjoy your Deuce.

Bryce Loves Freddy Adu

But poor Freddy has, like, the worst career ever! It's so sad, and Bryce can hardly take it.

My solution to everything: the Sounders sign Adu. Yes!

Tim Tebow makes Lucifer a better man

Today, my friends, was the final game at Florida for our fearless hero, Tim Tebow. In tonight's Sugar bowl, he threw for nearly 500 yards and completed 150% of his passes. Damn it, he is good. Given that all the football smart guy's like Mel Kiper and the rest of the weirdos who watch football 27 hours a day say he can't be a quarterback in the NFL, the University of Florida have made an unprecedented move. They have named Tim Tebow as there alumni quarterback. They are going to pay him 27 million dollars a year to throw passes during the halftime of all Florida home games wearing nothing but that black tape under his eyes that displays his favorite bible verse of the day.

Enjoy your Football.

Landon Donavon hits the Prem

Come on Landy, don't be afraid of European football. You scored against Brazil in a major cup final. Oh, come on, the Confederations Cup was a major final. Fuck you. I got your back Landy. Eventhough your wife decided to show you who's boss after you hooked up with a German model by hooking up with the two-time shagger of the year, Russell Brand, you prevailed. Well, you didn't totally prevail given that your wife hooked up with the fucking two-time shagger of the fucking year... But we'd still love to see you get some balls by playing in England and then hoist a World Cup trophy over your head so I can cry myself to sleep.

Enjoy your futbol.

hello my loyal followers

I bid you greetings from the heartland. I've attended church. I've tamed wild dogs. I've made mobile sculptures.

Enjoy your futbol.

"Teen Wolf" Retires from MLS

Poor Ben Olsen. He played for 11 years in MLS and grew great facial hair. He battled for 37 caps for the USMNT and 221 games for DC United. He endured Nick yelling at him to get healthy with good humor when DC played Seattle in the regular season.

But he didn't listen. His ankles have given up and so has he. Farewell, Ben Olsen. Stay goofy.

Soccer Brawl Fail

[via Failblog]

Sounders FC Expansion Draft List

This is the list of players that Seattle will protect from the Philadelphia Union in the upcoming (Wed) MLS expansion draft:

• Alonso, Osvaldo
• Evans, Brad
• Gonzalez, Leo
• Hurtado, Jhon Kennedy
• Ianni, Patrick
• Jaqua, Nate
• Keller, Kasey
• Ljungberg, Freddie
• Marshall, Tyrone
• Montero, Fredy
• Zakuani, Steve

The Union can only steal one player from any given team. (Apparently, Sounders management were confused about the rules as they apply to designated players and almost left Freddie Ljungberg unprotected!) My question is, what about James Riley?

"The Predator" Captains Real Salt Lake to MLS Championship

Seriously, doesn't anyone else see the resemblance?

Thierry Henry is a cheating bitch.

No big deal. Players just work their ass off for their whole life to get to the World Cup.

And this fucking douche blames it on the Ref for not making the call.

In that case, everybody should cheat at everything until they get caught.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OiWTFg1-zo

Snake CEO is exposed!

Who's the donkey now?

Nick, you're the donkey.

No, seriously, they're not dating...seriously, they're not.

bumblin' pudgy

I thought this might be a good way to get this bitch re-hatched for the love of god.

Snake, you still breakdancin' off the coast of France?

Snafu, you still ass slappin' with your best friend Lance?

I thought so.

Enjoy your futbol.

p.s.

Freddie totally responded to Janet's blog post. He totally responded. Totally. Freddie loves Janet. You better fucking believe it.

Snake CEO v. Mrs. Madame Lady Woman

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! Come one, Come all!! Come see the mighty Snake CEO defend his title as the greatest Greco-Roman Woman Wrastler of all time as he takes on the #1 ranked contender represeting the Women of the World!!!

It'll be a fight to the death.....seriously....Snake CEO is going to bring a samurai sword and a stick of dynamite!

Crazy Brain

Stewpot. Unassuming, bicycle-riding, soccer-playing, waterfront-living, office guy secretary dude.

With a crazy brain!

Seriously, anyone who reads this blog (all four of you) should have a re-read of Nicolai's latest posts. Each one is the carefully crafted product of a fevered imagination, a strange genius--a raving lunatic. I've never read such incredible stuff. Really, this is a blog entry of pure appreciation. Especially since he is--in person and to all appearances--a totally normal dude.

Nickleson, It must take an incredible amount of effort to keep a constant lid on that crazy brain of yours during the day. You're like some kind of superhero. Bravo, sir, bravo.

ThOsE sTePs ArE pAiNtEd

while watching "meet the fockers" last night, I saw the golden light of heaven...

those steps are painted....

the top of the steps were painted, only the top (and to use a word that's over-used) it looked GLORIOUS....

my days as the jack-ass of the neighborhood are soon to end...

happiness abounds.

enjoy your futbol.

An Open Letter to Nick Stewart

Dear Nick,

Why don't you love me anymore? You used to love me all day and all night. Now you don't love me even a little. I know we've had some hard times baby, but I never stopped loving you. Not even for a second. I know I can make you love me again, you've just got to give me a chance. Put the hate away, lock it up in a little box and throw away the key. There, don't you feel better? I know I do. Mmmm, that's much better. I'm going to love you long time.

Jake