Just a short one since everyone seems to be posting nowadays. I am facing a crisis of identity. After three years of dreading each (work) day, I have accepted a position as an assistant attorney general. This means that instead of representing greedy companies fighting with other greedy companies, I will now be representing the interests of the Washington Department of Fish and Wildlife as well as the Washington State Parks.
All of this happened in a pretty short time, and as a result, I am in a period of transition. One of those moments where I have escaped my entrenched mindset and find myself free to consider life from a step back.
The reason for this post is just to remind everyone that they are the fascist dictator of a tiny little country called you land and each day has the potential to see your rebel forces fight to give freedom to your oppressed people. Viva.
P.S. I was going to change my monicker to "Workin Really Hard" but I can't figure out how.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Jake Likes Vermont Too Much
Seriously, the guy's been gone for weeks. The people want to know: When will Jake return? It better be triumphant AND glorious.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
German Invasion?
As many have speculated, and many others (me included) have hoped, the U.S. Soccer Federation is in talks with Jurgen Klinsmann about his becoming the next coach of the national team. Klinsmann might soon be doing his sissy, prancing girl dance on America's sidelines.
I hope you're writing this down
I know you've all been waiting for it, so here, at long last, is my Christmas list. Please make sure to coordinate so that I get at least one of everything.
- Xbox 360 or Playstation 3, whichever is awesomer. Also, I'll need all the heli-cool games.
- Condo, minimum of 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms. Preferably in Capital Hill.
- Mac laptop, to replace the crappy Dell I'm writing on right now.
- Some fleece shirts, dark colors only.
- Flintstones chewable Prozac.
- Jeans that fit right.
- Good books.
- Movie star good looks.
- The size, speed and ability to play for Manchester United.
- Arrested Development brought back for season four.
- The Simpsons canceled before we forget how good it once was.
- All the girls on My Super Sweet 16 sterilized and forced to work hard labor. Their parents arrested for child abuse.
- A few days off.
- A Democratic sweep of the House and Senate that is not followed by the Dems immediately fucking it up with sex scandals, corruption, incompetence or arrogance.
- A panel of psychologists/psychiatrists/analysts/therapists/analrapists from Vienna to figure out what's wrong with me.
- World peace or, if world peace is not available, an end to the war in Iraq.
Monday, October 23, 2006
What's grosser than gross?
By The Associated Press
TACOMA, Wash. -- A Spanaway man believed to be the first person in the state charged under Washington's new bestiality law bailed out of the Pierce County Jail this morning.
Pierce County prosecutors say 26-year-old Michael Patrick McPhail was caught by his wife on Wednesday night having intercourse on the back porch with their four-year-old female pit bull terrier. The wife took photos with a cell phone and called police.
Pierce County sheriff's spokesman Ed Troyer says "There's pretty clear proof what happened to this dog." McPhail was arrested that night. Charged with animal cruelty, he could be sentenced to a year in jail ifconvicted.
The bestiality law took effect in June. It was prompted by an incident in Enumclaw where a man died after having sex with a horse.
TACOMA, Wash. -- A Spanaway man believed to be the first person in the state charged under Washington's new bestiality law bailed out of the Pierce County Jail this morning.
Pierce County prosecutors say 26-year-old Michael Patrick McPhail was caught by his wife on Wednesday night having intercourse on the back porch with their four-year-old female pit bull terrier. The wife took photos with a cell phone and called police.
Pierce County sheriff's spokesman Ed Troyer says "There's pretty clear proof what happened to this dog." McPhail was arrested that night. Charged with animal cruelty, he could be sentenced to a year in jail ifconvicted.
The bestiality law took effect in June. It was prompted by an incident in Enumclaw where a man died after having sex with a horse.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Friday, October 06, 2006
i'm going to have to change my name
i'm not going to lie, i have more trouble than i should finding the button to click to create a post, though it's probably stopped me from making some drunken posts that would have reflected bad on my repuatation.
last few days in thailand and i'm going to make a list of things i've learned in thailand:
1. don't play connect 4 against hookers for money. they are litterally unbeatable, and they hustle you. i was in a bar at about 4 in the mornign and i'd talked all the rubish i had to talk, so we started playing connect 4, splitting the games about evenly. then she said 20 baht (50 cents) a game. i got hustled, i finally quit after 10 games, down 200 baht and have never done it again, ok that's a lie but i didn't let it get to 200 baht. it's kinda like that rule that the guy in that movie had about not playing poker w/someone who has a city for a first name, don't remember the movie.
2. don't get tattoos in a bathroom of a shady karoake bar full of hookers, you'll regret it in the morning, or if it is morning, you'll regret it when you sober up. ok, that was all a lie, do get tattoos in a shady karoake becuase you don't regret them in the morning. you regret not getting more. not going to go into too much detail on this now, the boy is still in the dark here so i'll post the pictures in due time.
3. the hose is the best invention ever, not just in the toilet industry, ever.
4. other than that, i don't think i've learned much so i'm going to talk a little more about hookers. going to the go-go bars and watching how competitive and manipulative the hookers are is amazing. if i go, i go w/people my age and the hookers see that we're not really there to bone them so they pretty much stay away, and head towards the fat europeans. these girls are truly pros. but they also try their best to steal each other's catch, it's tough to describe but good to watch anyway.
5. another one, if you're still awake at 7 in the morning, don't ride the garbage truck when it comes around, i made the mistake of doing this one time. ended up cleaning up some garbage and sharing my beer with the other garbage men, eventually they had had enough of me and told me to go over there now, not too close to where i started. and then it gets addicting, every time it's 7 in the morning and the garbage truck comes around you gotta jump back on, i'd say i've done it 4 times since and it doesn't get any better, it just looks so inviting with those handles on the back.
- that's probably enough for now, when i learn some more stuff, i'll let you know.
last few days in thailand and i'm going to make a list of things i've learned in thailand:
1. don't play connect 4 against hookers for money. they are litterally unbeatable, and they hustle you. i was in a bar at about 4 in the mornign and i'd talked all the rubish i had to talk, so we started playing connect 4, splitting the games about evenly. then she said 20 baht (50 cents) a game. i got hustled, i finally quit after 10 games, down 200 baht and have never done it again, ok that's a lie but i didn't let it get to 200 baht. it's kinda like that rule that the guy in that movie had about not playing poker w/someone who has a city for a first name, don't remember the movie.
2. don't get tattoos in a bathroom of a shady karoake bar full of hookers, you'll regret it in the morning, or if it is morning, you'll regret it when you sober up. ok, that was all a lie, do get tattoos in a shady karoake becuase you don't regret them in the morning. you regret not getting more. not going to go into too much detail on this now, the boy is still in the dark here so i'll post the pictures in due time.
3. the hose is the best invention ever, not just in the toilet industry, ever.
4. other than that, i don't think i've learned much so i'm going to talk a little more about hookers. going to the go-go bars and watching how competitive and manipulative the hookers are is amazing. if i go, i go w/people my age and the hookers see that we're not really there to bone them so they pretty much stay away, and head towards the fat europeans. these girls are truly pros. but they also try their best to steal each other's catch, it's tough to describe but good to watch anyway.
5. another one, if you're still awake at 7 in the morning, don't ride the garbage truck when it comes around, i made the mistake of doing this one time. ended up cleaning up some garbage and sharing my beer with the other garbage men, eventually they had had enough of me and told me to go over there now, not too close to where i started. and then it gets addicting, every time it's 7 in the morning and the garbage truck comes around you gotta jump back on, i'd say i've done it 4 times since and it doesn't get any better, it just looks so inviting with those handles on the back.
- that's probably enough for now, when i learn some more stuff, i'll let you know.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
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