Landon Donavon hits the Prem

Come on Landy, don't be afraid of European football. You scored against Brazil in a major cup final. Oh, come on, the Confederations Cup was a major final. Fuck you. I got your back Landy. Eventhough your wife decided to show you who's boss after you hooked up with a German model by hooking up with the two-time shagger of the year, Russell Brand, you prevailed. Well, you didn't totally prevail given that your wife hooked up with the fucking two-time shagger of the fucking year... But we'd still love to see you get some balls by playing in England and then hoist a World Cup trophy over your head so I can cry myself to sleep.

Enjoy your futbol.

hello my loyal followers

I bid you greetings from the heartland. I've attended church. I've tamed wild dogs. I've made mobile sculptures.

Enjoy your futbol.

"Teen Wolf" Retires from MLS

Poor Ben Olsen. He played for 11 years in MLS and grew great facial hair. He battled for 37 caps for the USMNT and 221 games for DC United. He endured Nick yelling at him to get healthy with good humor when DC played Seattle in the regular season.

But he didn't listen. His ankles have given up and so has he. Farewell, Ben Olsen. Stay goofy.

Soccer Brawl Fail

[via Failblog]

Sounders FC Expansion Draft List

This is the list of players that Seattle will protect from the Philadelphia Union in the upcoming (Wed) MLS expansion draft:

• Alonso, Osvaldo
• Evans, Brad
• Gonzalez, Leo
• Hurtado, Jhon Kennedy
• Ianni, Patrick
• Jaqua, Nate
• Keller, Kasey
• Ljungberg, Freddie
• Marshall, Tyrone
• Montero, Fredy
• Zakuani, Steve

The Union can only steal one player from any given team. (Apparently, Sounders management were confused about the rules as they apply to designated players and almost left Freddie Ljungberg unprotected!) My question is, what about James Riley?

"The Predator" Captains Real Salt Lake to MLS Championship

Seriously, doesn't anyone else see the resemblance?

Thierry Henry is a cheating bitch.

No big deal. Players just work their ass off for their whole life to get to the World Cup.

And this fucking douche blames it on the Ref for not making the call.

In that case, everybody should cheat at everything until they get caught.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OiWTFg1-zo

Snake CEO is exposed!

Who's the donkey now?

Nick, you're the donkey.

No, seriously, they're not dating...seriously, they're not.

bumblin' pudgy

I thought this might be a good way to get this bitch re-hatched for the love of god.

Snake, you still breakdancin' off the coast of France?

Snafu, you still ass slappin' with your best friend Lance?

I thought so.

Enjoy your futbol.

p.s.

Freddie totally responded to Janet's blog post. He totally responded. Totally. Freddie loves Janet. You better fucking believe it.

Snake CEO v. Mrs. Madame Lady Woman

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! Come one, Come all!! Come see the mighty Snake CEO defend his title as the greatest Greco-Roman Woman Wrastler of all time as he takes on the #1 ranked contender represeting the Women of the World!!!

It'll be a fight to the death.....seriously....Snake CEO is going to bring a samurai sword and a stick of dynamite!

Crazy Brain

Stewpot. Unassuming, bicycle-riding, soccer-playing, waterfront-living, office guy secretary dude.

With a crazy brain!

Seriously, anyone who reads this blog (all four of you) should have a re-read of Nicolai's latest posts. Each one is the carefully crafted product of a fevered imagination, a strange genius--a raving lunatic. I've never read such incredible stuff. Really, this is a blog entry of pure appreciation. Especially since he is--in person and to all appearances--a totally normal dude.

Nickleson, It must take an incredible amount of effort to keep a constant lid on that crazy brain of yours during the day. You're like some kind of superhero. Bravo, sir, bravo.

ThOsE sTePs ArE pAiNtEd

while watching "meet the fockers" last night, I saw the golden light of heaven...

those steps are painted....

the top of the steps were painted, only the top (and to use a word that's over-used) it looked GLORIOUS....

my days as the jack-ass of the neighborhood are soon to end...

happiness abounds.

enjoy your futbol.

An Open Letter to Nick Stewart

Dear Nick,

Why don't you love me anymore? You used to love me all day and all night. Now you don't love me even a little. I know we've had some hard times baby, but I never stopped loving you. Not even for a second. I know I can make you love me again, you've just got to give me a chance. Put the hate away, lock it up in a little box and throw away the key. There, don't you feel better? I know I do. Mmmm, that's much better. I'm going to love you long time.

Jake

lonely planet

Hello. Is their anybody out there? Just tell me if you can hear me. Is there anyone at home?

Friends,

I write to you today to tell you I am saddened by the lack of posts on ballz on fire.

Snake CEO has been hard at work demolishing homes far and wide across greater King County. Seen a good Godzilla movie lately? Snake is his own version of a large stinky monster stomping on buildings all over town. Way to destroy the infrastructure, slimy.

Snafu has been hard at work painting his room in lovely pastel colors that are turning normally energetic people into lazy sleepy bed time story readers.

Meat.Loaf continues her ongoing search for the perfect porn movie. Shocking. Those of us from the great state of Indiana do not approve.

Stinka's been all across the country in search of the perfect blond hippie surfer boy to make out with only to tackle the poor boy moments later. "Surfing's not just a sport, it's a way of life. It's about looking that wave in the eye and saying 'hey bud, let's party', hey, where'd you get that jacket?"

Ginny pop is throwing in a huge dip so that he can "lay down the law" as manager of the professional sporting outfit known as Fauns Beard FC. He's committed to commitment.

Meanwhile, poor trickle is sad and lonely eyed.

happiness does not abound.

Midnight Madness

Midnight Madness, it's gonna get to you. It doesn't matter what you say. It doesn't matter what you do, you're gonna play.

Man Utd v. Chelsea - FA Cup Final

Oh my, this is going to be freak nasty.

happiness abounds.

Poop Covered Wax Ring

In a related story, Snake and Snafu are expecting a child...Snafu is hard at work designing the perfect little nursery...

happiness abounds.

1 year, 9.5 months to go...

Random soccer baby sez: "Bring em on"

God bless the City of Olympia - I am signing our little one up as soon as she can walk:

Mommy/Daddy & Me Soccer Ages: 2 - 3½
Brace yourself and your toddler for the “World’s Most Popular Game!” As you and your child participate in our fun age-appropriate activities, your child will be developing their large motor skills and socialization skills. The fun happens on the field, and in Mommy/Daddy & Me Soccer, you won’t have to watch from the sidelines!

I hope slide tackling is 'age-appropriate'. Also beer and screaming at the other fathers.

And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day
In Mommy/Daddy and Me Soccer.