Yes, that is a rat. What's it doing, you ask? Nothing, just hanging out on the windshield of my car at a stoplight at 50th and Roosevelt. Turns out that Megan and I had driven most of the way home from Josh's totally unaware that that little fucker was stowed away on my car.
Thinking I would shoo him away, I put on the windshield wipers. This only succeeded in causing the rat to run up the passenger side of the windshield, sending Megan into conniptions. With the rat heading for the roof, Megan quickly slammed shut the panel to the sunroof. This was totally unnecessary, as the glass was already closed, but this was a panic situation and logic had nothing to do with it. The rat reemerged from the roof on the driver's side of the windshield, which almost led me to drive us off the road. He then scrambled back down over the hood and disappeared, presumably into the guts of my engine so he could chew on my car's expensive wiring.
Upon arriving at Megan's house, I sped down her street then slammed on the brakes, hoping to launch the rat out from its hiding place and into the road, where I could smush it up good. Two attempts at doing so yielded no signs of him. We then counted to 3 and simultaneously bolted from the car like two sissy girls. He was still nowhere to be found. So, after saying goodnight to Megan, I had the most skin-crawlingest ride home imaginable. And I now have a life time of public transportation and sleeping with the light on to look forward to.
I can honestly say, without hyperbole, that this was the worst thing that has ever happened, to anyone, ever, to anyone. And if anyone wants to buy a 2006 Mazda 3 with fewer than 5,000 miles on it, let me know.
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4 comments:
good post boy, we can update that will we've been fighting about and i'll give you my half of dad's portion if i can take the car
I must warn you, it smells like a combination of fried rat/human terror.
That is what we do with Vermont transplants the old rat trick....
I figured as much.
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