Caleb Holt Scores, Creates Pandemonium

This was the scene Thursday night when Caleb Holt scored a goal so breathtaking that the viewing of it made the Lord himself fall to his knees and wail, "I am not worthy!" "I know it was a meaningless NWCSL coed game," Caleb said of Dirty Bar's 4-1 win, "but I just couldn't contain my excitement." Added Holt's teammate, Nick Stewart, "That was the most glorious event I have ever been a part of. When Caleb curled that freekick into the net, I felt a warm presence inside my chest, as if god himself had nestled in my bosom. I have seen the Taj Mahal, the pyramids of Giza and the Sistine Chapel, and they are rectal leakage compared to the divine magnificence that was Caleb's goal."

John Smith, who plays for Emma Peel, Dirty's Bar opponent in the contest, was of a differing opinion: "When that guy scored that goal and did that victory sprint across the field, yeah, that was pretty gay."