Hippie

Balls on Fire member Meat.Loaf is all up in arms today about a supposedly alarming new report indicating that Seattlites have an unusually high level of toxic chemicals coursing through our veins.

Oh boo hoo. As always, you're missing the silver lining in this cloud, Meat. Phthalates are found in fragrances, so they make you smell good. PBDEs are flame retardant so you won't catch on fire. Mercury is delicious and pesticides keep the bugs away. I say we're lucky to have all these selfless chemical companies around here dumping their expensive toxins into our food, water and air ... all for free! And all they ask in return is no class-action lawsuits.

As the saying goes, never look a gift horse in the mouth, because then you might notice its teeth have fallen out and its withered gums are oozing black pus from lead poisoning.