U.S. Pretend Soccer Federation President Oliver Klosoff announced this morning that Balls on Fire Coach Josh Bishop has been relieved of his duties, effective immediately. Bishop's firing comes just one day after his team's disappointing 7th place finish in the Jet City tournament.
"We've just decided to go in a new direction," Klosoff told reporters at Monday's press conference. "But we'd all like to thank Josh for his service to the team and wish him well in his future endeavors as a dancer at whichever seedy, roadside strip joint he lands."
Balls on Fire entered the tournament with high expectations. "I thought for sure we would at least get a t-shirt," stopper/dipper Kris Ginthner said. But Bishop's questionable formations and tactics, coupled with the team's at times lackadaisical effort, made for a 1-2-1 record and an early exit.
Bishop's departure was hastened by swirling rumors that various team members, including midfielder Nick Stewart, were seen drinking alcohol on the sidelines during the consolation game. When asked to comment on the alleged drinking, Stewart said, "Der der," before punching a cameraman in the face.
ESPN commentator and LA Galaxy General Manager Alexei Lalas offered this blunt assessment of Balls on Fire's performance, "Thus ends one of the saddest chapters in American sporting history. They should all hang their heads in shame."
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3 comments:
Pathetic at best our showing was lazy and without any real heart. I did not even get a cupcake since josh stomped on them.
hey! jake stepped on the cupcakes. really, i cannot be blamed for everything. now give me my giant severence check, please.
There will be no golden parachute for you.
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