Portugal 1, Netherlands 0

By the 81st minute, it was just keeper against keeper, with all 20 other players having been sent off. Back and forth, the Dutch and Portuguese netminders punted the ball at each other. Finally, in the 87th minute, Dutch keeper Edwin Van der Sar was red carded for diving when he leapt to stop Portuguese keeper Alexandre Ricardo's punt from going into the net.

When Ricardo stepped up to take the penalty kick facing only an untended net, it seemed like Portugal's victory was assured. Yet, as he stooped to place the ball on the penalty spot, Ricardo was red carded for time wasting. Finally, the referee flipped a nickel to determine the winner. The coin landed on tails (giving Portugal the win) and was promptly red carded, having receiving an earlier yellow for not being a quarter.

Seriously though, what can you say about this game? It was sheer lunancy. From the early minutes, when Holland defender Khalid Boulahrouz viciously speared Portuguese midfielder Christiano Ronaldo in the thigh, this game was out of hand.

The Russian ref, Valentin Ivanov, was clearly out of his depth. Yet the players kept tempting his itchy-trigger finger with dives (Kuyt), headbutts (Figo), intentional hand balls (Costinha), rugby tackles (everyone), flying karate kicks to the chest (not sure who did it, but Arjen Robben was the victim) and everything else you can think of. It all added up to 16 yellow cards and four reds, both World Cup records.

Despite being up a man for large stretches of the match, the Dutch never could equal Portugal's early goal from Maniche in the 23rd minute. And, to make the night even more inexplicable, Dutch coach Marco Van Basten left Ruud van Nistelrooy, one of the world's great goal scorers, on the bench the entire game, as his replacement, Dirk Kuyt, flopped around like a fish out of water. Kuyt looks disturbingly like Anthony Michael Hall, yet displayed less of a finishing touch than the former Brat Packer.

They stunk up the joint yesterday, but I still wish the Netherlands was moving on. FIFA should step in and, for the good of the game, give Holland the spot in the quarterfinals currently occupied by Ukraine, who may be the worst team, most unwatchable team to ever make it this far.

Goal scorers:

Nuno Maniche (23'), Portugal (1-0)