Ukraine 4, Saudi Arabia 0

What's sloppy, embarrassing and lasts 90 minutes? No, not my lovemaking (that only lasts four minutes). The answer, of course, is this game between Ukraine and Saudi Arabia. Lots of frantic attacking, crappy defending (including a nearly spectacular own goal), even worse goalkeeping and a rain-slicked field made for a wildly entertaining match.

The only thing this game didn't have (besides suspense), was the ubiquitous flurry of quick-draw yellow cards. There were plenty of cards, but they almost all seemed to be well deserved. In fact, one of the yellows English referree Graham Poll handed out was for diving, the first time I've seen that in this World Cup. Makes me wish Poll could do all the remaining games himself.

Ukraine (nickname: "The Black Caucasians") could have won by a much wider margin, but they failed on several occasions in the first half when it came time for the final pass or shot (including one impossible miss from six yards out). I fail to understand how Andriy Shevchenko, as the only world-class player in this game, did not score at least three goals. The Ukranians' second goal, however, was an absolute bomb. The goal-scorer, Serhiy Rebrov, looked more surprised than anyone.

Other highlights included a Saudi defender clearing the ball off the line with his crotch and Mabrouk Zaid, the Amazing Saudi Arabian Goalkeeper With The Hands of Stone. I think Zaid made a poor choice by deciding to wear oven mitts instead of the standard issue keeper gloves. In the Saudis defense, the cold and wet conditions were to the Ukraine's advantage. I think we'll see much better stuff from Saudi Arabia the next time the World Cup is held in Death Valley.

Despite the final score, I don't think either of these teams is very good. I could be wrong about Ukraine, but the lopsided nature of this game seemed more about how much Saudi Arabia blows. But Tunisia is even worse, so Ukraine will in all likelihood advance, along with Spain. Even better for them, the second place finisher in this group plays the winner of Group G, which will be either France, Switzerland or Korea Republic, all of whom look exceedingly beatable.

One final note: throughout the game, the commentators were effusive in their praise for Ukraine manager Oleh Blokhin, both as a player and a coach. But they conveniently forgot to mention this recent comment from Blokhin regarding black players in the Ukraine:

“The more Ukranians who play in the national league, the more examples for the young generation. Let them learn from a Shevchenko or a Blokhin and not from some Zumba-Bumba whom they took off a tree, gave him two bananas and now he plays in the Ukrainian league.”

Goal scorers:

Andriy Rusol (4'), Ukraine (1-0)
Serhiy Rebrov (36'), Ukraine (2-0)
Andriy Shevchenko (46'), Ukraine (3-0)
Maksym Kalinichenko (84'), Ukraine (4-0)