Wednesday, June 07, 2006

In Honor of The World Cup...

...some highlights from The Onion's soccer archives:

MLS Free Agent Holding Out For Money

November 10, 2005 |

DALLAS—Carlos Ruiz, a veteran forward who has played the last three years with Major League Soccer's FC Dallas, has announced that he will hold out on any contract offer that does not include some mention of monetary compensation. "I realize that [soccer] in America is still in its infancy, and I do appreciate the free socks, orange slices, and Powerade," Ruiz said of the 10-year-old MLS's hesitancy to offer him cash in return for his services as a player. "But I no longer want to be sleeping on fans' couches, hitchhiking to and from games, and finding people to buy me a meal every now and then. That's fine for rookies, but I've proven myself on the field, and I think that's worth a few thousand bucks a year." FC Dallas has asked the league to intervene, saying that actually paying Ruiz with money would put them over the $1.2 thousand MLS salary cap.

Your Horoscope

By Lloyd Schumner Sr.
Retired Machinist and A.A.P.B-Certified Astrologer


September 8, 1999 |

Libra September 23 - October 23

You begin to show signs of a natural talent for soccer, which is too bad, because soccer is for pussy-assed faggots.



Study: 86 Percent Of World's Soccer Stadiums Double As Places Of Mass Execution

Study: 86 Percent Of World's Soccer Stadiums Double As Places Of Mass Execution

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